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2005/11/29

Categories: personal

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Nathan and Libby, his fiance-They’ll marry in next August.

Yes, we are all fragile and ephemeral. But He is our comforter and supporter. Please accept this and rely on Him.

Can’t live a day without Him. Even a day.

This very touching experience is the posting that I scrapped from Nathan’s Blog. {Trust in Him. Only Him}

The Hardest Prayer I was expecting to be writing a very different blog today. I hope it would have been equally joyful but somewhat different in tone and content. I feel I should explain some of my posts in the last week or so about rediscovering the adventure. Basically, I really thought I had cancer. I was almost certain. I’d not been feeling all there and I’ve been to the doctors a number of times over the last couple of years about a recurring problem but this time it felt serious. Lumps are not a nice thing to find at all. When I first found it I panicked bigtime, rang Lib and we calmed down together. Over the next few days I found myself thinking late into the night rather than sleeping. It was hard for me to think about anything other than making Libby a widow before we’re even married, or not wanting to stop Relay, or how sick the treatments can make you, and loads of other stuff besides.

But right from the first second it came along I knew that God was with me. He really has been my everpresent help in times of trouble. He is always with me but during this tough time He has held my hand every step of the way and guided me so gently. I’ve learnt so much in the past fortnight and grown so much closer to Him. It’s brought Lib and I closer and reconnected me with that indescribable joy that comes with purpose. I didn’t tell people because I didn’t want to worry them unnecessarily. I decided that whatever the outcome I would tell people but not until I knew for sure either way. Today I finally got to see my doctor and he checked everything out. Perfectly healthy. Just normal fluctuations in shape and size. He understood my worries and settled my fears. I am healthy! Praise God!

But my real love goes out to my Great Doctor. The One who makes our bodies, who knows all about them, who heals and saves. It is He who has brought me through and I am so happy to be His child. It really is amazing how freeing this whole experience has been. In my loneliness He has been my greatest Friend. In my fears, He has been my Comforter and my Comfort. In my work, He has motivated me to serve Him more wholeheartedly. Last night Libby and I cried together as we prayed: “Lord, if there is any way that things can go forward without this being serious then please allow it, Father. But not our will but Yours. If you would be most glorified in me by means of even cancer, then bring it on. We want what you want, so please Lord do as you wish.” That was the hardest prayer I have EVER prayed. But let me tell you it was the best. We are designed for complete surrender to Jesus. Anything less will not satisfy. I don’t say this to blow my own trumpet at all, only to encourage you to fall into His arms and trust him to catch you. Even if the doc had given different news, I am caught by the Almighty and nothing can ever snatch me out of His hand.

Trust in Him. Only Him. Rejoice in your sufferings because to live is Christ and to die is gain. We cannot lose. Hallelujah! What a future. What a Saviour.


Monday [REGULAR] -Sleeping 8hr + Routine 1hr + Meal 2hr -Meditation 20min=Joshua/The fall of Jericho -Prayer 30min -BBC 10 news 35min -Study 6.5hr=Lecture 5hr, GRE 1.5hr -Internet 2hr=Finding articles, Mailcheck, and Cyworld [IRREGULAR] -Christian Union 1.5hr=Pure Sex -Preparation of Team Project 1hr=with Darya [NEEDLESS] -Late wake-up